Days and days later, lots has happened, and as usual, most of it is not able to be committed to the web.
Why? Because people take things very seriously and very personally when they are up there, hanging on the threads of the ethers. How many people actually read these things is deeply debatable, but I have noticed, that if I mention someone they invariably read the weblog and get extremely upset. It has taught me a lot, including keeping my thoughts to myself, on many levels.
Life has still not settled into being a pleasure. I wonder if it ever will. Maybe we are now destined for endless stress and questioning of everything, as if that is the legacy of ÄúcivilisationÄù. Ghandi, when asked what he thought of Modern Civilisation, replied that he thought it was a good idea.
How do you go to sleep after filling a car with gas canisters and nails and leaving it outside a nightclub? I cannot imagine what it takes to persuade onesÄô self that it is a good idea. But the shoppers were undeterred. I think we have been oversaturated with terrorism. I almost think the latest bombs were a plant. Not that I am someone who goes for conspiracy theories, but it seems so important nowadays to keep the population scared, worried, insecure and threatened.
But then trying to live in the day is a huge challenge. I certainly find it to be so. I think if one only has onesÄô self to be responsible to, then it is much easier. But with family, business, mortgages, school fees etc it is deeply painful to wrench away from the smallness of life and sit back and just let it happen. Where does one let go and let God, and where does one buy the ticket and make an effort to join in somewhere?
I always used to think it was as simple as turning poison into nectar, transmuting the pains and horrors of our existence into a learning curve and all would be good. But it is not like that at all. Suddenly there is so much of other peopleÄôs stuff to climb over. This is certainly my current reality. It is not simple at all. It is horribly complicated and cruel and we are buffeted about by the needs and longings of others almost more than by our own. According to The Prophet, who incidentally was a Muslim, ÄúYour pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.Äù It used to help me a lot, in early recovery, but it seems to do nothing now. The shell feels interminable.
And the other puzzling thing, not for me personally, but globally, is that the most charming people I do business with are Muslims, and yet in our blind need as a race, to always have a baddie on every level, they, the Muslims, and George Bush and the global Tete de Turk or whipping boys.
Perhaps if we could all see that on every level of our existence we all need baddies to blame, if we could catch ourselves and take personal responsibility for the blame we throw around so freely, then perhaps things would level out a bit.
102 CCTV cameras in Holloway RoadÄ¶Ä¶.