Treading water


I am astounded how quickly my moods can change. After two emails, both from men (is that irrelevant? I am not sure yet,) my mood has plumbed the depths of fear and despair.

I am watching it, not really going there, but aware that I want to call out for mood elevation from somewhere. Call my husband or a friend and say; I feel scared, insecure, inadequate to life.

I do so hate being this easily swayed.
In the car this morning I was talking to a friend saying how Zen I was feeling about the whole thing of opening a shop and now, three hours later I am mad, crazy, insane, stupid and unthinking.

Where does it go? The sense of peace and stillness that can descend like a blanket of think snow, bringing stillness and acceptance. I had it for days, the sense of peace and calm. Now I am floundering in grubby slush and the freezing waters of fear.

I will breathe deeply and tread water.