Stepping out

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The news is a relentlessly hideous experience best avoided except that I am an addict and I get a sabotaging thrill out of the adrenalin rush plus as a shopkeeper I feel I should be aware of what is going on, given the speed of it all. Reading Flat Earth News is helping..

I have been reading Ekhart Tolle for about 11 years. He wrote a wonderful book called Practising the Power of Now. It is a dog-eared and dog eaten bible for me. I endlessly refer to it, read passages, pick it up, look through and think that I am getting it.

But I am not.

I went back to page one the other day. There are pieces that start from here that do not appear to have made it into the rest of the text. I have been missing them out of my current reality until this last week and these tiny little processes are making a triumphant difference.

So my stress levels are not too bad, I have felt far worse over the years, dealing with near death experiences, real death, childbirth and getting sober. The current experiences come in lower on the scale, I have to say, but I suppose I feel that I ought to know better by now. I thought I would have mastered things and be on a straight ribbon of still mind, calm thoughts and acceptance. But it is not so. I am able to manage my mind at night, I do not think about anything stressful even when I wake at 3am. But now stress has surged into my daily reality. The mind is a mean thing. Sneaky and perverse, it constantly catches me when I am not aware and this is exactly the parts that I have not followed form the practice at the beginning of this aforementioned book.

Do not judge your thoughts. How can it be so tricky? Up until now I have been watching my thoughts and letting my reaction trash my day.
Ha! The big secret that I seem to have missed for years. Why would I not judge them? Is that not what they are for? My new and interesting experience is to leave them be, not judge or react, but come strongly into right now. To feel my feet in my shoes, the breath in my lungs and the air on my face. Smile, stand straight and become totally present to the moment.

It is going well, though, and does make a difference to my acceptance and ideas about Hell.

It is working, but am I being an ostrich? Will some appalling version of reality suddenly come and bite me in the back because I have not been worrying about it?