Saints is a big word. Some Christians find it hard to grasp the idea that there could be any kind of saints other than those prescribed or chosen by the Pope. Eastern countries, particularly India, have no problem with seeing all manner of people as living saints and accord them much veneration. Take the GuruChannel. It is the only reason I would want satellite TV, to see all those delightful men with doves flying behind them, radiating pulses of blue light above their heads. (These are visual effects put there by the TV station to enhance the saint’s saintliness, they are not emanations by the saints themselves. At least I think so…….) Just for balance and open mindedness, there are the occaisional women talking. Always old women. Everyone has lovely flowing hair and big bindhis. Signs of saintliness. They smile and talk about all manner of great things in Hindi. I don’t speak Hindi, yet, but I can guess how marvellous it is by their expressions. I smile and nod with them.
I am being somewhat cynical? I don’t mean to be. I am facinated by the culture of Saints. I have a friend, a girlfriend, who is a saint. She has done very well. She has her own religion. What a great idea. What would mine be? I don’t want to commit to anything in the ethers, but I think it would have a lot to do with not giving away your power, taking responsability for yourself and your actions, and being allowed a certain amount of flexibility in choice of clothes. I will think further.
I am not going to start my own religion, I promise. I don’t think I believe in it. What I am really interested in is coming to a place of awareness and emanation. Awareness of my mind and it’s games, learning not to go there, making it my servant not my master. A tall order, I notice. It is slippery, the mind, it has no limits to how awful and cruel it can be. I am watching constantly. Emanation is trying to be aware of always putting the soul first. Compassion, patience, tolerance, acceptance, trust. I don’t suceed too well at this, either, but I am working on it.
Where I am confounded is in the idea that we need, desire or want to come to a place of being unaffected by the highs and lows of life. That no matter what is going on I am in a state of balance, trusting, accepting and allowing Ha! I fail miserably, and at the same time, cannot think of anyone I know who has arrived at this place. I would like feedback here. Does anyone have the ability to remain centered no matter what? Does anyone know anyone that can, really truly, not be budged from their perch of perfection? Is there someone who is not an exploding doormat in secret, not madly acting out when alone, not a rager on the sly? Please do let me know. I look around me, in Peckham, in life in general and in my memory, and cannot say that I have met a person who has arrived at this place. Added to that, is it going to be fun, amusing, interesting, nice, to be there? Do I want to arrive so early in my life. I am convinced I will live to be 97. That means I am half way through. I have things to do, lessons to learn, issues to understand, enlightenment to find. But like the offer in India, to have my Kundalini raised, BANG! just like that, I don’t want to get to the destination too soon. Apperently once you get there, there are more layers of understanding to go through. Thank goodness. It could seem awfully long otherwise, eternal bliss. But beside all of this, I berate myself for being affected by life. For getting stressed, for being irritable. Yogi Bhajan said “the only difference between you and me is that I totally accept myself”. I think about this a lot. Acceptance. Sometimes I get it. Mostly I don’t. Maybe there is a homeopathic remedy for acceptance. I must ask. Get someoone else to fix me.