It does not get simpler

650

So I spent a week not being raw. And what happened? I am an addict. Pure and simple. Croissants, bread, cake, biscuits, pasta. I was unstoppable.

By the end of the week I felt awful, was bloated and had stomach problems the like of which have not touched me since February.

So, I am raw again. What will be different this time? I have no idea, but also no choice. The other terrible realisation is the chocolate gives me hearing problems. That is beyond the other issues that it carries like the skin etc. Therefore, another of those painful steps onwards and upwards; I am chocolate free, as of today, wheat free, as of today and mostly raw. The utter, indescribable joy of taking responsibility for myself.

I went to see an inner ear specialist today. She only works with a tiny bone inside the ear canal. I did some whacky tests and got really dizzy and out of focus doing them but do know that I am stressed and my nervous system is tired. I have exercises to do to make it all better which include walking and looking around at the same time. You laugh, but I have avoided that for ages as it makes me dizzy. Now I have to do it until I get dizzy. Then stop. Then do it again to stretch my tolerance. I remember when I was drinking, I used to see how far I could travel into the spinning pillow. There is a similar experience here, somewhere.

I am reading a rather wonderful book at the moment that talks about lots of things I want to understand better, but ironically takes me back to where I first started my spiritual journey, studying the Bhagavad Gita. It is by Ram Dass who writes beautifully and so simply and with such kindness. I would love to be able to imbue my weblog with kindness. I will work on it.