Oh, No, Monkeys


I am having wildlife issues here. Funny, because usually it is ghosts, but this time it is other creatures.
Something was flying around my room the other night in a clumsy and ungainly manner, but every time I looked for it, it was not there. I fell asleep with out too much thought about it eating me in the night but a little worried that it might land on my face. (I once woke to a very large spider walking across my face. It was extremely argh and put me off sleeping on the floor, forever. I woke another time to find a very large, armoured cockroach sipping from the accumulated sweat in my belly button. I was under a mosquito net at the time and again, it raised trust issues. Trying to catch the thing was another game entirely. When I finally chopped it in half, it’s friend came and ate it. But that is no where near a friend’s experience who was woken by another armoured cockroach drinking the dribble that was trickling from the side of her mouth as she lay snoring. )

This may be revolting to read, but it is highly amusing to write.

So I slept without too much fear of this thing but was jerked awake in the night by the most appalling noise. It took me a while to work out what it was and I then thought it was a badly played, out of tune violin. Oh, my, it took a long time to find the thing because every time I got near, it went silent. But finally I trapped a thing. I put it in the bathroom under a glass and went back to sleep. In the morning I was told it was a zinger. Some kind of cricket with orchestral ambitions.

This morning I pulled open my curtain to find a monkey looking in my window. A little one that jumped, screamed and fell off the window ledge, hence no picture. Sweet, from a distance, but once you know they are around, nothing is safe. They are violent and mean, carry Hepatitis C, HIV and rabies. At the moment there is a troupe of them terrorising the other side of the road, but a Nokia N95 cannot see that far. I have two bananas in my room and keep eyeing the door in case I get raided by a screaming, rabid monkey wanting brekkies. It would not be the first time. The only thing to do, when it happens, is to scream and shriek at them extremely violently. It trashes the vocal chords for the day. The strange thing is that despite all of the horrors they carry, it is a delight to see them in the distance, and if you harm them, (not that I could or would, but the locals have attempts with air rifles) it is jail here.

Otherwise Jaipur is hunkered down. This is what I was told yesterday. I had an amusing time annoying a woman retailer here who has decided she does not want to sell to me. I have no idea why, but she was causing me problems a few months ago. But I can get annoying and did my best yesterday, mainly because she screams hideously at her staff (you would think they were monkeys) but does not have the courage to face me personally. So I bought all that I wanted in a whisper with a smile and even got a wholesale discount from the courageous woman who served me after her dressing down. Gosh I can be such a child.