Living in the now

546

It is the last day of half term. I think it has been a good one. Lots of days out, family, friends over and endless treats. Now that we have let go of the idea of moving out of London it seems so much easier to be here. I am trying to really “want what I have got” and not endlessly be looking to what I want in the future. It messes up the “now” so badly. I have always, since 1991 when I got clean and sober, wanted to be totally present to the now. Really in the day. No pain from the past colouring my vision of the now, no fear of the future affecting how I respond to the now. A pretty wild ambition, I know, but fascinating to pursue. This desire has changed many things in my life. Affected how I respond to teachings, ambition, children, my husband.
And now, living in London. I have spent all my life wanting to be somewhere else, thinner, richer, interestingly I have not wanted to be different as far as personality is concerned, but just more “acceptable ” on the outside. So now I am just being here. Now. In the moment. I am not expecting prizes for how well I am doing this. Really I don’t. It is just a real change in how I approach life and living it.
I will keep writing about how it is going.