Back in the saddle


I am having trouble getting back in the saddle.
I went away feeling really centered about living in London. At least I think I did. I have not re-read my blog, and therefore may be kidding myself. But I had been really working on wanting what I have got.
I have returned from India wildly wanting to live anywhere but here. Actually that is not true. Not anywhere. Specifically India, italy, Greece or some other place but not France.
I have been really struggling with my feelings around this. I was so resentful for a few days. Back to being cross about being in London and having to be in another place and justifying it like a crazy person. It was most unsettling.
Yesterday we behaved as all good citizens should and went shopping. (Do you remember being urged to be good citizens after 9/11 and keep shopping?) Whilst out trying to fulfill myself by emptying my purse we had a serious conversation about being here or there, there being anywhere but here, and I found myself becoming a channel for some other reasoning than my own feelings. I clearly gave all the reasons why we should be here, not there. Why we could not move, and our purpose in being here. I listened with facination to myself and agreed. We both agreed.
Strange but true.
I don’t think it was the voice of God, neither do I think I am mentally unwell, but at least reason prevailed and we cut shopping short and came home. Both emotionally and physically.