And I am so pleased. I had a fantastic time, I really did, but golly gee it is great to see the children, Baptiste, the dogs, the birds. All so still and calm and present.
I left with lots of fear, as usual. Imagining that I would die and never see anyone again. But this series of fears was different. I watched them intently and did not dive into them. I just noted how I felt, tried and suceeded with staying aware that they were my insecurities, not my deeper intuition and remembered to go back to all those fears and remember how I had felt once I landed safely back in London.
The last night I stayed at Neemrana Fort. Such a beautiful place on the road between Jaipur and Delhi. A massive restored fort. Calm, still. And overlooking a town fllled with typical indian sounds, but viewed from really high up, so it becomes rather surreal and faery-like. Close up it is still lovely, the colours of the old buildings, always such amazingly bright choices, the buffalos who really don’t care. The grubby kids and the yelping dogs.
So now I am back with a whole new set of ideas. I want to make vegetarian cooking DVDs. I have written two on this trip and now have to sit with the director and work them out properly. I really enjoy the writing of these things. Starting from the seed, the idea and gradually expanding it, gently, gently, into a tree, a DVD with all that I want to say neatly hung on the branches.
I looked for cooking DVDs on amazon and there are none. I am surprised. Does this mean it is an impossible task? Or will I be the first? How fabulous.
I have also come back able to sell the clothes of a designer called Brigitte Singh. Such beautiful things. Totally awesome. Block prints that take your breath away. Well maybe not everyone’s, but certainly mine. They will be here in a couple of weeks and I am thrilled.
I am trying to find a place to hold a sale. I feel I need to be somewhere other than my house. I have a number of a shop that rents itself out in Dulwich, and whilst writing have remembered another in Chelsea. So this is my task today. To take a shop for a week.
I changed something fundamental whilst I was away. I always stay in the same place, an old Haveli on the outskirts of Jaipur. Very few people go there, it is quiet, clean and the family who own it are really kind. I usually sleep really badly as there is a spirit in the corner of the building. In one of the rooms it turns on the taps in the middle of the night, so I don’t sleep there, but it my room, which is next door, it comes around two am and always wakes me up and I do get scared. Then I cannot go back to sleep. So this time I played mantra 24 hours a day. Quietly at night, but more loudly during the day. I was not troubled once. Not for an instant. It was as though the spirit could not get through the protective wall that I built. So I have returned feeling good. And in the main I met wonderful, inspiring, kind, soul first people.
So thank you God.