I have been trying my suggestion, repeating I Am. It works. It is interesting. After an initial resistance, it is now quite easy to keep repeating it for extended periods of time and what I find emerging is interesting. I am reading I Am That, a book by Sri Nisargardatt Maharaj. In it he talks about how life rises and falls in front of us, like waves. Each event is another wave, and that the real art is not to attach to any one particular event and then ride along with it, but to allow the rising and falling to happen without attachment. Using the I Am mantra I am starting to see the waves coming up and going down. The longer view is that it seems to be making me more present to the moment. Something I have always longed for: being able to be totally present, with no fear of the future, and no pain from the past colouring how I view any event, person or experience in the present moment. This is a challenging desire. I perhaps should have wished for something more material, as my ambition requires me to do all the work. But it is fun, trying to be aware of the judgements one makes based on previous experience and projected fears.
On a different note we have 50 people to the house today for two meals. Lunch and dinner. We are filming big meals to add life and movement to the vegetarian cooking DVDs. It should be fun. Total, overflowing chaos, but fun. Huge amounts of food have to be cooked and served, cleared away, cleaned and then all cooked and served again. But then we are almost done. It has been quite a marathon, doing these two DVDs.