I Confess


I am not going with the flow. It is true. I am resisting reality and want things my way. Like, for instance, the internet. Why is it always so hard? Somewhere I feel I am owed a connection. It could be because so many places here say they have it, the internet, high speed broadband and computers. It could be that there are minute windows in time where I can slip in an email and it does get to the recipient and so I feel that I should be allowed more. It may be because of all the wizzy advertising for shiny phones and high speed connections that are smeared rather haphazardly on random walls all over the city.

For 24 hours now there is a lack of a green light on the router and it is annoying me a lot. I want it to be different. But it is always like this; endless connection problems, endlessly trying to run a mail order and internet business without internet, endless sitting under screeching fans in sweaty, dirty rooms lit by flickering florescent tubes, mosquitoes lingering with all their inherent threats in the low shadows and interlopers trying to read my work over my shoulders. When am I going to get it? Not today, it seems.

I am working hard at finding it funny.

I suppose it is amusing from afar. I know I am spoilt and lucky, but travelling in India is somewhat different to working in India and now I work here it is rather like being in the film industry. Fascinating form the outside and relentless from the inside. There is no connection from the cash machines to the satellites so I have not been able to with draw any money for my buying. I am now down to the equivalent of 2p in my wallet and it is not enough to get a rickshaw to take me to get cash. So I am sitting here, looking at the failed green light on the router next to the very grubby cables that are hotwired into the wall wondering where I can go to use the internet, how can I get cash and how will I send all my stuff back to London.

You could say these are high class problems, that I am away, it is lovely to travel, how can I complain when I am so lucky.

I will not answer, but at least I have got it off my chest. The issues are still there, but the screaming frustration is now resting silently in the ethers and I can move on.