A full head and a 40 day meditation

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We have been away at the Great British Yoga Festival.
It was wonderful. A peaceful and yet intense experience which has left me with a truly full head. I have been doing my yoga on the floor and my head and all it’s thoughts has been larger than the room.
The theme was compassion. An interesting theme which seems to have touched all. I am not sure if I am more compassionate at the end of it all, but I have certainly had an opportunity to rethnk a lot of things and in truth the evolution of my thoughts is not yet complete.

Certain attitudes that I have had have been inverted, but I have not found the ground on which they stand in their new space. I write in such a guarded and garbled way it must be irritating, but I am learning discretion, at last. It is hard to talk to anyone without discovering they are the best friend, lover, mother, sister etc of the other, or stand to gain in some way from the indescretions, hence I am now m0re guarded and cannot go too deeply in words, but lay on the floor of the sitting room wishing my vertiginous thoughts would stop whirling and find a place of peace.

As I was saying, I have not come into greater compassion yet. Or perhaps I have. Perhaps I am seeing certain people in a different light and am not used to it. To allow them to go from a strongly negative place into a more neutral space is hard. Needs me to step from a place of elevation and judgement into a more forgiving and accepting space.

I want to do a meditation whch I dread: 40 days of no negativity. The thought of it makes me shudder. Makes my skin crawl. Therefore it must be done. To remeove the strata of judgement from my mouth and attitude……. The thought is truly scary, but the idea is somehow so tempting. How would it feel not to be one-up? We all do it, make judgements and sneer. I just the same. Oh God, what if I could not, for 40 days, belittle, look down on, stand upon or comment upon. Who will I be?

I commit to starting now. 7.11am on monday the 5th of june.

There is always more to do. One never arrives at the point when the work is finished. How exhausting! To spend the rest of one’s life coming to terms with the reality of being human and wanting to know God.