It must be the change of season, or the postal strike or the proximity of half term. I am not yet sure which, but my life is deep at the moment. It could of course be the very strong meditation that I am currently doing, but I am doing the meditation because life is deep, so the chicken and the egg are chasing each otherÄôs tail.
I feel as though life is being dissected on an almost daily basis. I look at everything, minutely. I break everything down into its parts and then further down into my part with-in ÄúitÄù. A huge hall of mirrors going on and on forever.
I could not envisage myself here 10 years ago and conversely, I cannot envisage myself in 10 years time. What is the long-term purpose of all these endlessly huge life experiences, if not to suddenly get ÄúitÄù.
What is getting it? It is a moveable feast, I know, but as time roars past, the dust is settling into a pattern made much clearer by the very defined, daily routine in the shop, and the choices as to how to be, react, change, open and move forward.
There is a tiny moment, constantly happening, that moves in front of me/us, so fast that I/we can barely sense it, that is the defining moment between insanity (repeating an action expecting a different result) and change. It is in that moment, if we are willing to sense it and grab out for it, that we can change so totally and so profoundly. We can move into the soul, to the better part of ourselves. It is is the moment that says: I will not react, I choose to be calm, I will remember to breathe, I will stop being a victim, I will smile, etc, etc, etc. It comes by so fast and the ego crashes in to mask itsÄô presence.
Being aware that that moment exists, and then catching it, grasping and holding onto it as it whips past your choices screen, is such a huge leap in consciousness that I truly feel it is where all spiritual teaching should be heading.
Yes, it could be construed as egotistical.
Who am I to suggest a way forward?
But there has to be a change. Anger and revolt are not working, so perhaps the next step is the awareness that we are all enough and are all here to learn how to BE. This would be a huge step in Empowerment. As a teacher I feel that my role is to help others to truly let go of their dependency on another and step into their own being.
Big statements so early in the morning, but I read so much rubbish now, there is so much bigotry and hatred, so much rage and such an overwhelming sense of impotence that help is urgently needed. Swelling the coffers of others is not the way forward.
I was driving a car full of children to school today, as usual, and in the lorry and bus filled street there was a small ochre car broken down. It was causing mayhem and fury. Inside the car, which was all streamed up, a woman was just sitting staring ahead. I had such an overwhelming sense of loss and pointlessness from her it was really painful. No one, including me, stopped to help, we all just whizzed by as she melted into, what I felt was, utter hopelessness.
She could of course have been having a great conversation on her phone and not cared that all was snarled up around her, but I think not.