It can be a disorienting experience, getting to spend the day at home, tired but relaxed, playing badminton with the children and lying in the garden. It makes coming back to work rather hard. I tend to have rather wasted days after being at home and letting go.
So I sit, trying to achieve, and find that I just want to fiddle, look at facebook, and long to have a book to read.
When I first thought seriously about opening the shop I imagined that I would have hours to write, read, to sit in silence, waiting for people to come in. But my reality is not like that. It is full on, all the time. There are always so many things outstanding, so much lying waiting to be ironed, washed, paid for, put away, or cleaned. A year in, I am amazed by how much discipline I actually have. I thought I had none, that I was just a wastrel with ambition, but no, I am lots of other things, but not that.
I love the sunshine. Sitting outside in the street today, it was so wonderful to feel the softness that it brings to the mood. The world seems to be such a harsh and unkind place right now. Sitting in the sun, there is a sense of hope. I am sure it will pass, but when are we going to all stand up and say “enough”? Enough cameras, enough fines, enough war and cruelty, enough fucking about with money at night and causing us all to suffer. Enough manipulation and mean thinking all for more money. Personally, I have peaked on it all. I really have. Can we all continue to just sit back and let it happen? Is there no point at which we collectively peak? Perhaps a new group on facebook will tip the balance……
So, snow is coming and like everything else, this glorious day will pass and we will go back to making the best of things in that very British way. But if there is to be a discussion or movement towards doing things differently, I am on the list.