Welcome to Carolyn Cowan Online; Designer, photographer, teacher, mother, counsellor and bodypainter.
Running out of titles
I get stuck at the first hurdle. I sit here with the cursor blinking and cannot come up with a title. I suppose it makes me examine what I want to say, but sometimes I am not sure that is a good thing. Neither is sleeping late. I am not doing it any more. I just did it a few times last week, but it is as tempting as starting to eat chocolate again. I woke from a dream of a woman in labour this morning. She had one baby fine, but the twin died. Horrid. I dozed for a while and then did not want to get up at the time I had set myself.
I wonder if it is the menopause that makes the dreams so intense now. I cannot really get the point, and after so many years of such high drama whilst sleeping I do not attach much to my dreams, but they are certainly thrown into sharp colour recently.
I am starting to read for the next DVD. I am accumulating a mountain of books to plough through. I had hours on the bus on wednesday and began a book called Alkalize or Die! Terrible cover, terrible title, written by an apocalypse threatening maniac. He recommended washing vegetables in bleach and if you ate too many of your friends cookies, just throw up. Delightful. But there was some interesting stuff too, apart from only drinking distilled water and adding minerals to it.
I have moved onto another one entitiled Food as Medicine. Slightly more sensible. I am only a few chapters in, but have read that butter can kill me. And cheese. And milk. Oh God. it is endless. What with salt as well, there is no hope.
I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t drug, don’t coffee, barely drink tea, little salt. But now……. how will I live if I keep eating butter and cheese and the odd tiny cloud of cow’s milk in a cup of tea? What if I don’t give it all up.
On one level I am drawn to the extremes of austere liveing, which is how I see it. On another, everything that we, in this charming first world, think is a treat, is laden with stimulants, sugar, cows hormones, wheat, chemicals and so on. I know exactly what he means, but cannot understand why we can’t all see that.
Starbucks and Cafe Nero all over the place. Desperately churning out those massive mugs of steaming cow juice. All of them full of overweight people thinking they are having a treat. On one level it is brilliant marketing, but on another, why don’t we all get it?
I remember seeing that man who stopped thousands of us smoking. Alan Something. He saw it and explained it so well that holding a cigarette was total insanity seen and acted upon. But reading these Health books and desiring a decaf capp from Pret do not seem to be as far at odds with each other as I need them to be.
I can see that somehow I have to find a way to say it, on the DVD, where the insanity of what we do to ourselves is vibrant and alive without sounding like the proselytising maniac who wrote Alkalize or Die!