Things are really changing now. It has been more than two weeks since I last ate eggs, butter, cream or yoghurt. My taste buds are very different. I can smell cow. I need very little salt, and I sleep well. I feel as though there is some repair going on. A lot of clearing, and I am needing to relax, or perhaps allowing myself to relax. That may be the difference. I feel less stressed as well. I don’t know why that would be so, but I am calmer in the main. I have also stopped black tea and I imagine that makes quite a difference. I did not get the headache this time. But I may be so much clearer now from no dairy.
The way we eat has changed considerably. The approach to what we eat as well. I have managed to cut down on eating so much carbohydrate and eat more fruit and vegetable, but it does make for more labour intensive meals. As the cream and cheese have gone I think differently about how to make the plate work and we are eating some delicious food.
A nice side effect is the weight loss. I looked at myself yesterday and was surprised at the changes. With two small children I am always in a rush in the morning after this quiet time. Always have a shower and dress as fast as I can so I barely look at myself in the mirror. Two weeks has passed this way and it was such a treat to see the change. I suppose because I had not checked for so long it was more noticable. The nice thing about the timing of all of this is the lead in to summer. As the days get lighter and warmer it is great to eat more salads and raw food. But I have been enthused to exercise as well. The combination of everything together is inspiring and good.
It has been a taking off of another layer of protection, though. The food thing. I am clear of most other addictions, and have gone through all the emotions that each one holds, but now it is more subtle, deeper stuff, buried under the fat and in the feeling of fullness. I noticed at first that there were feelings of hopelessness, of panic, low self esteem, wanting to give up and go back to the constant satiation of the 21st century modern diet. Having the patience to sit and watch the feelings rise has been painful, scary and interesting. I have been able to let them rise and pass and now feel more setlled in the lighhtness and the sensation of hunger, a feeling that I have actively avoided for all of my life.
But like sugar, staying off will be the great challenge. We have set this for a few months. Until september. Part of me really hopes that we will keep it going for long. Ever is a long way away, but once established for a long time as a habit, 120 days is the proper length of time to really establish a behaviour change, I want it to become a way of life.
I write about it because it is a big thing to do, but also because it has such implications in the outside world, and I want to approach it without being an angry, recationary or from the angle of suffering. It is important to keep a sense of humour and no judgement about how others eat, given the amount of products one has to say no to.
But more than that are the emotional issues attached to food, that are rarely discussed. The way we are constantly battling with ourselves, the images in the media and the craziness of the food industry that just wants to get us as toxic and addicted as humanly possible. The tension is insane.
I passed two adverts for LA Fitness yesterday. Naked women flying in the air. Heavily made up. Physically thin, totally retouched. The advert said “enjoy your body”. Oh yes, really we all look like that. Coulsden South is filled with beautiful models all wanting to do their gym time fully naked and perfect. I thought about how much more potent an ad it would have been if they had been “real people”. Maybe someone over the age of 18, breasts larger than teenage buds, or a roll of flesh on their belly. How strong and dynamic the message would have been if the women featured had resembled humans having a good time in the their skin instead of being encouraged to climb into the cage of comparison and low self esteem, the stress of which leads most to act out. To smoke, drink, eat etc.
I can go on, I can and I know it. But why is there not more of real people? Are we really so awful that we have to be hidden? Someone high up there in the those corridors of power and vision needs to be asked to think about it.